(disclaimer to my grandparents: I used curse words in this post. I’m sorry.)
Okay guys, I am trying this dating thing. It is fun and exciting and then it is nerve wracking, full of anxiety and makes your stomach hurt. There is a stereotype that boys in the pacific northwest are passive aggressive. They don’t approach you, they don’t initiate shit and unfortunately, I have to report that stereotype is very, very real. And it is f*cking annoying.
Another thing that is new to the world of dating is everybody is on all this online stuff! Tinder, okaycupid, plenty of fish, how about we, grouper, etc, etc. Just to be clear, I have never been against online dating, I think it is great. Personally, I wasn’t ready to give up on organic connections, meeting someone, being introduced by a friend, you know, how our parents met. But, I am beginning to think that is no longer an option. Because everrryyybody is on some sort of free dating app/site. So let’s say you do go out to a bar and see a cute guy. Well 1. You will absolutely have to take the initiative and start the conversation because he sure as hell won’t and 2. He might already be tindering or whatever. Hashtag annoying.
So as some of you know, I have been preoccupied by a certain someone for the past two and half/three-ish years. Now that that is no longer going on and military ball date stopped talking to me, I have decided challenge myself to go out on dates. I haven’t really ever dated so I thought it was time to give it a try. They can be set up however I choose which means…yep, tinder has been downloaded and I am swiping right as often as I can.
Tinder has been on my phone for a couple weeks now and I have to say it is not as bad as I thought. I have met up with three guys and they were all great. I never really saw the difference between tinder and meeting someone at a bar, other than hiding behind a phone vs having to walk up to a pretty lady. But it is cool because you can kind of screen them via messaging back and forth before a meet up is scheduled. For example, if they make suggestive comments about not wearing clothes or can’t spell for shit, you know that they probably are not your Prince Charming. So we’ll see how this goes. I’ll try to keep you posted.
Dating obviously leads to exchanging phone numbers which leads me to all the freaking games. Seriously. Texting with a potential whatever is a roller coaster. The unfortunate cycle usually goes like this: really responsive, super into the conversation, asks questions and then slowly but surely the time between responses gets longer, answers get shorter and you’re sitting there wondering what the hell happened.
Let me give you a little peek into my experience so far. Let’s say I met a guy, we hung out, it is super fun and then the date ended. I walk away all happy and excited, like wow, that was surprisingly enjoyable and he didn’t seem like a serial killer or like he might have a strange foot fetish. This is awesome!!! (fist pumps all the way home)
A few hours pass and all of a sudden my mindset has changed. I mean he hasn’t texted so that must mean he had a horrible time and hates everything about me. Clearly. Because that is logical..
So now I’m thinking well, that date went really well, how can I turn this great experience into a stressful situation? Girls have to use a non-existent, magical calculator to figure out how long it should be before you text him, or you have to wait impatiently, staring at your phone wondering why he has not contacted you. You want to talk to him, why doesn’t he want to talk to you?! Which is when the over-analyzing begins..you start walking through every. single. moment of hanging out. Did you say something weird? Did you have food in your teeth? Did you bring up your obsession with (fill in the blank) too much?? Could he read your mind when you were confused why his shorts were so short?? Oh God, Is he gay!?! Naturally the over-analyzing starts to get out of control and very ridiculous. Meanwhile, we are also driving ourselves crazy thinking he doesn’t give two shits about the whole thing and is probably just going along with his day, doing boy things, completely unaware you are driving yourself completely insane. AHH!
Which then, of course leads me to ANOTHER point. Hey boys, you think girls act crazy? Well, we think you all act like a bunch of idiots sometimes. If you don’t want a ‘crazy’ girl on your hands, here is a tip, just contact them. Ask them about their day, ask them if they would like to hang out again and if you don’t think any of those things sound fun, then TELL THEM YOU ARE NOT INTERESTED. And then I promise you, said girl will stop talking to you. 1. We’ll be annoyed/pissed or 2. We don’t really want to embarrass ourselves, and we certainly don’t want to contact/hang out with someone who doesn’t want to hang out with us.
Yeah, it is uncomfortable telling someone you aren’t into it anymore but grow a pair and do it. Just make it happen. And every girl learned a valuable lesson from the movie ‘He’s Just Not That Into You’ so boys, if you are waiting for us to reach out to you, well then never mind. You don’t get it and we don’t have time for that ish. Acting like you don’t care is not cute or intriguing, it’s rude and stupid.
It seems so simple yet this part of dating is truly a little nightmareish. I got asked out to my senior prom over the home phone at my parent’s house..man, little did I know those were the days. A real phone call?! Get out of town.
(breaking news: in the middle of my drafting this post I got an email from a website called Sosh. It tells you stuff going on in your area. Anyways, they sent a ‘Cheap Dates edition: 6 under $6’ and this was written in the body of the email:
Once upon a time, wooing was done from the drivers’ seats of expensive cars, en route to fancy restaurants where would-be lovers eyed each other over caviar and champagne.
These days, there’s more pressure to be the person who cares less than the one who spends more
There you have it ladies and gentleman, in order to date, you have to act like you don’t care. Well..shit. and also a $6 date? Are you serious, Sosh. What if we want caviar?! Or hell, just a full meal. Geeeez.)
So, I really didn’t mean for that entire thing to turn into a vent session about dating. Dating is great and honestly, I could get a few eye rolls after this post because I don’t even have much experience. I am only speaking from my short time putting myself out there. So apologies if those who are more experienced think this is just a load of dog poop. It is just my opinion. And I am actually very excited and looking forward to this little adventure. Football season is upon us and I have fabulous wing women in Seattle. Things are awesome 🙂
Thanks for reading, love you all!